Like a Bad Accident- You Can’t Look Away

It’s been far too long since I’ve updated this thing. Life has been so hectic lately, and I’ve been neglecting my personal projects to catch up with my obligations. And boy, am I buried. But luckily, not literally buried. Because I probably shouldn’t still be alive.

You can’t really know the unsettling feeling that comes along with the survival of a should-be fatal car accident until it happens to you. It’s been two months since the collision, and I still can’t remember anything before that moment of waking up.

With the combination of the trauma and the concussion, the possibilities of my amnesia clearing up are pretty slim at this point. I suffered a broken hand (hence the lack of writing), a corneal abrasion (also hence the lack of writing), a concussion, 5 staples in my scalp, two broken ribs, and a ruptured spleen.


Adrenaline is one hell of a drug, huh? I woke up in that car, obviously completely disoriented and trying to piece the situation together. I quickly realized that my car was totaled, and I was trapped inside.

It had been a head-on collision with a pick-up truck. We hit each other at just the right angle that his car rolled multiple times, totaling the car, but he came out okay. My car was obviously smashed to bits, but not me.

My memories from these horrific moments are very vague. Realizing that I was in a crushed car, the bloody, deflated airbag on my lap, and the glass. There was glass everywhere.  The other person involved told me not to move, that I could be seriously hurt. But then he said, “Your car is smoking!”


In my mind, that meant that the car was about to burst into flames, and me along with it. I struggled to get free, but I was crumpled under the dash, and it had taken my legs captive. Somehow I was cognitive enough to reach until the drivers seat and find the lever. I managed to pull my chair back far enough that I could crawl out of the car. I think the adrenaline wore off at this point and my body snapped out of survival mode, because at this point I passed out again.

I was woken up by the EMT’s, but now I had too much glass in my eyes to open them. They put a neck brace on me, loaded me into the ambulance, and cut me completely out of my clothes. I know it seems petty, but I was wearing an outfit orchestrated with all of my favorite clothing items. I mean, I get it, I was a bloody mess and covered in glass. But as it turns out, only my arm was cut up. They could have at least left my pants. They didn’t need to remove my underwear and bra. But I guess that’s protocol. It also made me a bit uncomfortable that they commented on my tattoos. Yes, I’m aware you are assessing my naked body. Don’t make a point of letting me know that you’ve relinquished your professional persona.

I guess it’s also protocol to snap your patients fingers, forcing off their rings for a cat-scan. Oh wait! You don’t need to remove jewelry for a cat-scan. So this vindictive nurse broke my finger for no reason. My friends ask me, why don’t you sue? Well, there are a lot of factors involved, and the main point is that the case wouldn’t hold up in court. Besides, how am I going to sue the hospital that saved me because of the mistake from one horrible unqualified nurse?

They kept me for a few days to monitor my internal bleeding , but I was regaining my strength quickly and just wanted to get the hell out of there. I’m allergic to codeine so I can’t even take narcotic painkillers. I’m totally okay with that, an opiate addiction is the last thing I need.

Want to know the worst part about having broken ribs? Sneezing. It is agonizing pain beyond measure, and there’s nothing you do to stop it. Luckily I don’t suffer from spring time allergies or I’d probably still be in the hospital from all of the damaging sneezes.

As much as it sucked and continues to suck, like all things, I’m trying to use this as a learning opportunity. I’ve been given another chance. Although I’ve pretty much been on the straightened arrow for the last 8 or so months, I could be more focused.

So I’m trying, I’m really trying. Anxiety and depression can be extremely crippling, and along with my injuries I’ve felt pretty useless. But at this point I would say that I’m fully recovered. My hand and my ribs still get sore from time to time, but usually because I’m always engaging in manual labor (I’ll explain my new endeavors in another post).


The moral of the story: stay aware. Don’t drive when you shouldn’t be. Since I can’t remember the accident, it’s hard to say who was at fault. I don’t know if I fell asleep, or just drifted into the next lane because it was late and I was tired. I don’t know if he drifted into my lane because he fell asleep or was distracted. I guess we’ll never really know. But realize how precious your life is. Cars are not toys, and life is not a game.

Drive safe everyone!

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